If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Randomize
