the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Randomize
