I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
high people should be assigned attendants
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
You are a genius and a whore.
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