Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
