I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
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