can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
