party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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