you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
