she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
