therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
