I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
