Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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