obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
