hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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