my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
