If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
