That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
