the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
