I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
