I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
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