You're my little dorito
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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