Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
