i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
