Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Randomize
