i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
soo... how was my night?
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
