$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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