My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
