i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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