his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
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I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
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i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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