Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
