I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
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