he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Randomize
