Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
