Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
