I hate all girls vehemently.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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