well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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