Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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