My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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