You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
