I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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