You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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