i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
