Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
