The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
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