Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
