I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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