Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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