I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
