At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
