i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
they need to just BURY HIM!
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
