Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
