so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
