absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
