Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
