I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
