I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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