We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
