he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
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Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
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I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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