you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
