hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
