yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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