if i can run in heels then i can drive
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Can't talk, ducks in the car
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