i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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