My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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