Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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