Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
God gave him joint rollers for hands
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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