well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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