OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
