I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
