im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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