she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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