Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had to coat check the pizza.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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