i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Randomize
