what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
