I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
