Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Terrible idea I love it
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize