Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
