it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
