Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Randomize
