So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
