i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
